My horoscope for the week: Pisces
They say you have the grace of a dancer and the agility of a world-class gymnast. After that, though, it’s usually just a bunch of mean-spirited laughter.
These made me feel better:
Scorpio
Thanks to a series of unfortunate turns, you’ll soon become to only man ever to compete in the Olympics, the Paralympics, and the Special Olympics.
Sagittarius
The stars indicate that you can receive your personalized horoscope reading in Spanish by pressing 3 now.
Capricorn
Remember: Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach just keep repeating the same tired maxim over and over again.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-january-14-2013,34941/
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